This is from a Facebook note by a student, Lujza Nehrebeczky, in regard to the need of her and her partner, Joy Hayes, to leave the US in order to sustain their relationship.  Passed on with the permission of Lujza and Joy.

Joan Callahan
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___________________________

In Search of a Homeland

Many of my friends are shocked when I tell them that Joy and I are moving to Europe together in a year. While some understand that I'd like us to spend some time near my homeland, Hungary, and introduce Joy to my culture, some of them question the permanence of our decision. I have been asked over and over again, "Why don't you just move to Massachusetts or Connecticut and marry there?" and, "Why don't you apply for U.S. citizenship or at least a Green Card?" The answer to both of these questions is, "Because U.S. immigration law does not allow us to do so."

I have been in the U.S. on a student visa for several years now. I have always fulfilled every one of the many requirements of this visa and never broke any of its regulations. I stayed enrolled full-time in college, paying out-of-state tuition every semester and racking up a huge student loan debt in the process. Since I'm not eligible for any state or federal financial aid, I've had to take out private loans in order to pay tuition. I have worked no more than the allotted twenty hours a week, restricted to my campus (where student jobs are hard to come by) and earning a fraction of what others with my skills normally earn. Interestingly, my work has entailed teaching English to both American and international college students, helping them become better writers and speakers of the language of this country.

Ironically, if I had spent the last nearly six years in a relationship with an American man, I could already be married, have a Green Card, work full-time in the job of my choice, and be on my way to American citizenship in a few years. But since my life partner of these years happens to be female, none of these options are open for me. In fact, if my partner and I went to a state where same-sex marriage is legal, we would be turned away because one of us is not a U.S. citizen or permanent resident. And if we were to get married in another country, such as Canada, our marriage would not be recognized here; in fact, it would jeopardize my current legal status as a student. I have worked very hard to be a useful and productive member of this society, and it hurts to be denied the chance to make a permanent home here.

Considering all the above, we see no other option than to move to a country where we could stay together legally and earn a living without having to pile up huge debts just to maintain legal status. I have not been to my homeland for over five years, because I could be detained at the border when returning to the U.S. We have decided to move to Europe when my current status expires, because we thought it prudent to start over in a country where we could both work and reside legally while living openly as a lesbian couple. Since the declining political situation makes Hungary unsafe for same-sex couples right now, we will have to start over in a country that is new to both of us: the Netherlands. Thankfully, my European Union citizenship makes me eligible to live and work there without a special permit; and, as my spouse, Joy will also have these rights.

So what does this mean for our future, you ask? That depends on how U.S. immigration law might change with regards to same-sex couples. If things stay the same, we will probably consider making a permanent home in the Netherlands where same-sex marriage is legal and we could settle permanently with little hassle. To be honest, we are deeply saddened and nearly petrified to leave our friends, relatives and jobs behind; but we see no other option for our life together. However, we consider ourselves fortunate that my EU citizenship makes us eligible to settle in a highly developed and stable Western democracy. But what about those Americans whose partners come from developing nations where homosexuality is illegal? Where will they find refuge with their families?

Along with other couples in our situation, Joy and I hold out hope that one day this country might recognize the commitment of binational same-sex couples. No, we are not clamoring for the right to call it marriage; we would only like the right to not spend our life together in exile. In February of this year, Rep. Jerrold Nadler (D-NY) introduced the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA) to Congress. If passed, the UAFA would allow U.S. citizens to sponsor their foreign-born same-sex partners for immigration, in the same way that they have long been allowed to sponsor their opposite-sex spouses. It is our hope that one day this legislation will pass, providing a homeland for couples like us.

If you would like to know more about the immigration issues faced by binational same-sex couples, please visit http://www.immigrationequality.org For detailed information about immigration law and case studies of couples affected by this problem, please read their online publication, Family Unvalued. The more people who can make a difference find out about this issue, the more chance that one day, couples like us will not have to leave the United States in search of a new homeland.