Jamie,

That is one helluva PS!!

False love is a problem within the lover, doesn't have anything AT ALL to do with you?

Corinne




________________________________________
From: tree of knowledge system discussion [[log in to unmask]] on behalf of Jamie D [[log in to unmask]]
Sent: Thursday, May 28, 2020 8:48 PM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: Anyone studying these topics? (Learning)

One shouldn't have to force their self. Eventually they'll drain. If part of the mind is a tyrant, it's perhaps related to another part that's a slave to something, and the self is therefore divided in purpose.

I've been watching a lot of Motivational YouTube videos, which have kernals of wisdom, one of which being: "Know your Why" and "if your why doesn't make you cry, that's not it".

Rather, one must be drawn, by freeing up their natural interest, releasing attachments. And the best way I've found to do that is saying things out loud. If part of the mind is a slave to something, fix it by saying something.

In order to be drawn, you might have to grind first, and then the hook comes... That's how it usually is for me.

It shouldn't be hard at all for me to learn all that, not at all. I have a pension and all the freedom I need.

What I lack is community.

A few things nag at my attention, unfinished business dragging me down, in which case, I pay close attention to what's exactly the problem is, and write incessantly, and reviewing my writing on occasion.

-Jamie

PS - The rest of this is me thinking about what's been dragging me down,.... I wonder if all of it could be simply bluffed away, simply denied out of existence among new peers, and I can practice assuming new beliefs... or if something is still missing. I've been butchering my reputation for any kernal I might find, which I see as being open and vulnerable, falling on the sword.... But some barely discernable signal, only decided upon this very moment, convinces me that's my choice, and that it's still possible to step forward completely, but obviously the intellect can't be the guide, the choice must be made with one's entire being? Now we're getting into woo-woo or beyond culture. Does everyone's entire wellbeing depend on factors beyond normative understanding, in everyday relationships?

My new mantra is "rage against false love", because I'm still in the process of freeing myself from mistakes learned in childhood, where I learned it wasn't safe to be truthful.

And we can now rest upon the acceptance that it's not.

I remain, for now, unacceptably insecure by society's standards, and combing through stoic wisdom to various forms of therapy have yet to provide the honest confidence that survival demands. I have impeccable confidence in what I do know, what I don't, as well as the difference, but it's the "unknown-unknown" that others seem to know, but can't or won't articulate.

People see my dependence on honesty, and can't help but play and poke... to my death if it comes to it, even still meandering in that trajectory. Perhaps I'm a threat, and it's only that others fear the light in me revealing their use of the dark. They'd rather it be impossible to win honestly. Not entirely.

From another angle, there must be something totally natural in contempt towards those not given security as children. It's like a law of nature. I can't find any power in being hostile, nor can I find any power in being a victim, and the mad self absorption trying to find the solution alienates those who would be friends.

"the more elusive the problem, the more painfully obvious the solution. You just have to be willing to see it" - Jack Rackam from Black Sails

Who the hell has a right to be secure in themselves anyway?

... Obviously a baby should.

If the self is relational, such security can only be formed by security with peers. How does one be self responsible, and fix a relational problem solo?

Note: the happiest person in the frame is always dominant, which would mean that (mythological) the top of the hierarchy is nothing more than honesty, everyone below having been untrue in some way. If a baby is at the top of the hierarchy, is life is a test of staying there?

A friend said that I didn't seem to love myself, but what he really saw was a subconscious certainty that others don't love me as I am, or that I'm stuck solo, that I have to maintain an iron grip on my behavior to survive, not offend, keep integrity, be perfect, agonizingly and impotently "good" until I break or twindle down to nothing. And the confusion of which evil I should knowingly choose to be a healthier person is a sick thing to consider.

And to hear people insinuate low self esteem, or lacking self love, is to hear endlessly that nobody has gotten outside theirself to see the dimensions through which people can change.

I don't know what love really looks like, and having never seen it, don't know what to change...except get more and more articulate, keeping me in control.



On Thu, May 28, 2020, 1:58 PM Chance McDermott <[log in to unmask]<mailto:[log in to unmask]>> wrote:
Jamie,

What things have you noticed about the "forcing yourself/not forcing yourself" situation that happens when many folks get involved in personal augmentation?

Ideally augmentation feels flowy and fun, which can be elusive when we codify something into a routine.

Powerful stuff you're imagining,

-Chance

On Thu, May 28, 2020 at 3:05 PM Jamie D <[log in to unmask]<mailto:[log in to unmask]>> wrote:
Apologies, Gregg, if this breaks the rules. I forgot where to find rules.

I'm wondering if anyone is studying the following

*Data science and machine learning - jupiter, numpy, python
*Python general programing
*JavaScript general
*Node-Express (and in my case PostgreSQL, for an app I've been writing about for years)

I'm also working with my Muse headband to measure frontal asymmetry, since I've just learned that's a good measure of valence.

Ideally, I'd also fit in my day a few pomodoro's of these topics:
-Neuroscience
-Statistics, linear algebra
-Physics and information theory

I dream of a military-style community for personal augmentation, based on the psychology of learning, creativity, effective group intelligence, health, fitness, and always staying up to date and flexible with new discoveries.

By myself, especially during quarantine in SF, I've been having a hard time finding people who care about these.

So far I found one person to meet and study from 3-6pm, just Node, and I'm posting around to find the right people to form a learning group, where we use our commitments to showing up to support the routine.

The way I see it, everything we need to learn is online, and all schools offer is community support (with a ton of drag) so if people could decide what they want to learn, and they understood the psychology of learning, they could optimize their own routine.

I'll list some useful learning principles:

1) goldilocks zone - not too hard nor boring, but just right for exponential progress towards mastery. Anyone can learn anything, but might have a more narrow goldilocks zone for learning quantum physics, easier to slip off.

2) focus vs diffuse learning (ideally, switch back and forth as optimally as possible. Don't neglect either - Best ideas come in diffuse, but long term memory of abstract concepts comes from deep focus and recall)

3) Anki forgetting curve - recall, recall, recall, just when about to forget, and soon remember forever.

4) fluid vs crystallized intelligence - fluid is like working memory, can only be increased via exercise and rest, whereas crystallized intelligence is what combines, recombines exponentially as the basis of cultural evolution and subject mastery.

5) the bottom line - you don't know shit unless you can teach, create, or do, and these should be the way you recall.

Please let me know if I missed anything crucial.

Jamie
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