Phil brings up many good points. And I agree with his position of first determining what YOU want and then what the TEAM wants, and then moving forward from there. You admit you are upset and that is natural. I recommend that you approach this from a non-emotional perspective in as much as possible. And when you speak to the parents, describe the behavior without using judging terms or words. For example, "As a team, we have met 5 times and he has only been to 2 meetings." Or "Last week, your child threw a football several times during practice. He was asked to stop, but continued to throw the football." John -- John J. Barrett Industrial Medium Software, Inc. 1616 Anderson Road McLean, VA 22102 (c) 703-231-5094 (p) 703-286-0818 (f) 703-286-0888 http://www.industrialmedium.com On Oct 8, 2012, at 1:59 PM, Phil Smith III wrote: > First: OUCH. > > I take it your "team captains" are kids? > > In retrospect, "empower[ed] to make team decisions" needed to be qualified. > I wouldn't have thought of that, either, so I'm not chastising/criticizing, > just observing. > > But going forward: > - Do you want the kid on the team? Sounds like his teammates don't. But that > might not be a good argument for kicking him off. > > - If he doesn't show up for meetings and is disruptive, what have his > parents had to say about that? Or did "I was going to talk to the parents > about this but the captains beat me to it in a way I did not expect" mean > that you hadn't talked to them previously? > > - Do his parents understand that YOU weren't part of kicking him off? That > doesn't mean it shouldn't matter, but it's critical for you being able to > talk to them without you being the Bad Guy going in, I think. > > - Are you the only coach/adult present? Even though they can still decide > whatever they want about you, having two or more adults saying "Yeah, this > was the behavior" should reduce the chances of them deciding you just don't > like their kid. > > - What do the team captains have to say about this? I.e., are they obdurate? > Would they consider his return on a probationary basis? > > - You say "independent funding". Did the team members pay something? > > Again, OUCH. Never had to deal with anything like this, and it's clearly not > easy. > > I think the bottom line is to first understand what YOU want and what the > TEAM wants, then reconcile those (if needed), and then discuss with the > parents. > > Keep us posted... > -- > Phil Smith III > > Coach, The Capital Girls (retired) > Team 1900 (2002) > Team 2497 (2003) > Team 2355 (2004) > Team 1945 (2005) > > -----Original Message----- > From: First Lego League in Virginia and DC > [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of Ralph Guilder > Sent: Monday, October 08, 2012 1:31 PM > To: [log in to unmask] > Subject: [VADCFLL-L] Team captains removed a team member > > Coaches > > I am a rookie coach DIV 1 and have no sponsoring org. I have independent > funding. My team captains, who I empower to make team decisions, have > counseled (no punitive stuff and i was there with an assistant coach) an 11 > yo several times about behavior , distractions , etc. The child doesn't show > up to meetings and throws stuff in my house. He joined the team very late > compared to the other members. > > ( to be honest I don't do we'll with confrontation ) > > They took it upon themselves to remove him from the team yesterday without > my knowledge. The boys parents are very angry at me and I am trying to undo > what has been done or at least move forward. > > As a parent I am very sad this happened and found out at the same time his > mom did. I was going to talk to the parents about this but the captains > beat me to it in a way I did not expect. > > Has any coach had this situation and how did you handle it? I really am > heartbroken and struggling with this. I am a Scout Leader and have been a > Coach in sports and have never had a situation like this. > > I know the boys heart is broken and as a parent I sympathize with them. > > Respectfully, > > Coach Guilder > > -- To UNSUBSCRIBE or CHANGE your settings, please visit > https://listserv.jmu.edu/archives/vadcfll-l.html and select "Join or leave > the list". > > -- VADCFLL administrative announcements are sent via > VADCFLL-ANNOUNCEMENTS-L. Visit > https://listserv.jmu.edu/archives/vadcfll-ANNOUNCEMENTS-l.html to subscribe. > > -- To UNSUBSCRIBE or CHANGE your settings, please visit https://listserv.jmu.edu/archives/vadcfll-l.html and select "Join or leave the list". > > -- VADCFLL administrative announcements are sent via VADCFLL-ANNOUNCEMENTS-L. Visit https://listserv.jmu.edu/archives/vadcfll-ANNOUNCEMENTS-l.html to subscribe. -- To UNSUBSCRIBE or CHANGE your settings, please visit https://listserv.jmu.edu/archives/vadcfll-l.html and select "Join or leave the list". -- VADCFLL administrative announcements are sent via VADCFLL-ANNOUNCEMENTS-L. Visit https://listserv.jmu.edu/archives/vadcfll-ANNOUNCEMENTS-l.html to subscribe.