Hi Jamie, You seem very interested in optimizing. How about relaxing and connecting with some vulnerable human beings on their terms? / Lene On 29-05-2020 04:25, Jamie D wrote: > Is it not evident in my writing that I'm looking to fix something in > myself? I'm not fully understanding your grammar. Can you elaborate? > (I'm expecting this to be another episode of culture shock, or, like a > clash of cultures, total confusion and misunderstanding, ego's reved > up only to fall) > > By rage against false love, I mean don't be true to those false to me, > don't give any chances to liars, ditch fake friends, have higher > standards than I've known, and trust instincts I've never had a chance > to use. Having never been outside myself, the territory is new to me. > > Would you expect a motherless child to be faithful to anyone as it > would it's mother, at the age of four?... or think new caregivers > justified in anger if the child is slightly witheld? Seeing anger at > its fear, the child wraps itself up in a hell of terror, and sears its > behavior along whatever behavior brings acceptance, adhering to norms > militarily, then later questioning them when nothing works...... > > All the while in its development, unwritten, unspoken norms dictate > contempt, deny respect, and for what? What is so offensive about being > polite? About good behavior? > > By normative appearances, an adopted child should believe that it's > loved, connected, so it goes through the motions, dances the dance, > shows "gratitude"... But it was never real, never felt, and the family > went along with the lie that the 4 year old allowed itself to hope > might come true... > > The crime committed must have been failure to do something not a human > being knows - not following through with a love unknown by the > intellect, hidden in some random momentary permutation? > > I suppose the separation of feelings and actions is part of the > problem, because it appeared I could control myself, with the energy > dwindling... Until I became an heroin addict! > > What wears one down is known by nobody. But eventually, it's like one > is forced to commit a real crime by some earlier unseen crime within. > (in my experience, that's a vital truth not well known: that the real > crime was committed well before its manifestation, which is almost > like a punishment on the person.) > > What does God, or anyone, expect of a four year old? I don't ask this > to justify myself, or judge anyone else, but all of this, all of my > reputation-destroying transparency, is solely to use my experience, as > a window into a source of solutions unknown by our culture..... And > that, perhaps, is what I've always been trying to do. > > In God's eyes, children are fully responsible, apparently. More > children have died than anyone, from what I've learned of evolution. > > Ig my tone sounds bitter, then so be it. But in mind, in focus, I'm > all ears, surrendering and committing to whatever humility will bring > forth clarity. And like a dead horse, I absorb blows of judgement I > know aren't true and must continue to resist believing them. > > Nothing in science, nothing in religion, no phenomena whatsoever told > the simple truth that healthy children are allowed to safely develop > amongst. And now, tangled up in a complex of maladapted triggers and > cues, having heard insinuated judgements for the trillionth time, but > never brought fully forward,... I don't know. > > Fear leads to hate, yes. And hate is painful and pointless. > > > On Thu, May 28, 2020, 5:56 PM Diop, Corinne Joan Martin - diopcj > <[log in to unmask] <mailto:[log in to unmask]>> wrote: > > Jamie, > > That is one helluva PS!! > > False love is a problem within the lover, doesn't have anything AT > ALL to do with you? > > Corinne > > > > > ________________________________________ > From: tree of knowledge system discussion > [[log in to unmask] > <mailto:[log in to unmask]>] on behalf of Jamie D > [[log in to unmask] <mailto:[log in to unmask]>] > Sent: Thursday, May 28, 2020 8:48 PM > To: [log in to unmask] > <mailto:[log in to unmask]> > Subject: Re: Anyone studying these topics? (Learning) > > One shouldn't have to force their self. Eventually they'll drain. > If part of the mind is a tyrant, it's perhaps related to another > part that's a slave to something, and the self is therefore > divided in purpose. > > I've been watching a lot of Motivational YouTube videos, which > have kernals of wisdom, one of which being: "Know your Why" and > "if your why doesn't make you cry, that's not it". > > Rather, one must be drawn, by freeing up their natural interest, > releasing attachments. And the best way I've found to do that is > saying things out loud. If part of the mind is a slave to > something, fix it by saying something. > > In order to be drawn, you might have to grind first, and then the > hook comes... That's how it usually is for me. > > It shouldn't be hard at all for me to learn all that, not at all. > I have a pension and all the freedom I need. > > What I lack is community. > > A few things nag at my attention, unfinished business dragging me > down, in which case, I pay close attention to what's exactly the > problem is, and write incessantly, and reviewing my writing on > occasion. > > -Jamie > > PS - The rest of this is me thinking about what's been dragging me > down,.... I wonder if all of it could be simply bluffed away, > simply denied out of existence among new peers, and I can practice > assuming new beliefs... or if something is still missing. I've > been butchering my reputation for any kernal I might find, which I > see as being open and vulnerable, falling on the sword.... But > some barely discernable signal, only decided upon this very > moment, convinces me that's my choice, and that it's still > possible to step forward completely, but obviously the intellect > can't be the guide, the choice must be made with one's entire > being? Now we're getting into woo-woo or beyond culture. Does > everyone's entire wellbeing depend on factors beyond normative > understanding, in everyday relationships? > > My new mantra is "rage against false love", because I'm still in > the process of freeing myself from mistakes learned in childhood, > where I learned it wasn't safe to be truthful. > > And we can now rest upon the acceptance that it's not. > > I remain, for now, unacceptably insecure by society's standards, > and combing through stoic wisdom to various forms of therapy have > yet to provide the honest confidence that survival demands. I have > impeccable confidence in what I do know, what I don't, as well as > the difference, but it's the "unknown-unknown" that others seem to > know, but can't or won't articulate. > > People see my dependence on honesty, and can't help but play and > poke... to my death if it comes to it, even still meandering in > that trajectory. Perhaps I'm a threat, and it's only that others > fear the light in me revealing their use of the dark. They'd > rather it be impossible to win honestly. Not entirely. > > From another angle, there must be something totally natural in > contempt towards those not given security as children. It's like a > law of nature. I can't find any power in being hostile, nor can I > find any power in being a victim, and the mad self absorption > trying to find the solution alienates those who would be friends. > > "the more elusive the problem, the more painfully obvious the > solution. You just have to be willing to see it" - Jack Rackam > from Black Sails > > Who the hell has a right to be secure in themselves anyway? > > ... Obviously a baby should. > > If the self is relational, such security can only be formed by > security with peers. How does one be self responsible, and fix a > relational problem solo? > > Note: the happiest person in the frame is always dominant, which > would mean that (mythological) the top of the hierarchy is nothing > more than honesty, everyone below having been untrue in some way. > If a baby is at the top of the hierarchy, is life is a test of > staying there? > > A friend said that I didn't seem to love myself, but what he > really saw was a subconscious certainty that others don't love me > as I am, or that I'm stuck solo, that I have to maintain an iron > grip on my behavior to survive, not offend, keep integrity, be > perfect, agonizingly and impotently "good" until I break or > twindle down to nothing. And the confusion of which evil I should > knowingly choose to be a healthier person is a sick thing to consider. > > And to hear people insinuate low self esteem, or lacking self > love, is to hear endlessly that nobody has gotten outside > theirself to see the dimensions through which people can change. > > I don't know what love really looks like, and having never seen > it, don't know what to change...except get more and more > articulate, keeping me in control. > > > > On Thu, May 28, 2020, 1:58 PM Chance McDermott > <[log in to unmask] > <mailto:[log in to unmask]><mailto:[log in to unmask] > <mailto:[log in to unmask]>>> wrote: > Jamie, > > What things have you noticed about the "forcing yourself/not > forcing yourself" situation that happens when many folks get > involved in personal augmentation? > > Ideally augmentation feels flowy and fun, which can be elusive > when we codify something into a routine. > > Powerful stuff you're imagining, > > -Chance > > On Thu, May 28, 2020 at 3:05 PM Jamie D <[log in to unmask] > <mailto:[log in to unmask]><mailto:[log in to unmask] > <mailto:[log in to unmask]>>> wrote: > Apologies, Gregg, if this breaks the rules. I forgot where to find > rules. > > I'm wondering if anyone is studying the following > > *Data science and machine learning - jupiter, numpy, python > *Python general programing > *JavaScript general > *Node-Express (and in my case PostgreSQL, for an app I've been > writing about for years) > > I'm also working with my Muse headband to measure frontal > asymmetry, since I've just learned that's a good measure of valence. > > Ideally, I'd also fit in my day a few pomodoro's of these topics: > -Neuroscience > -Statistics, linear algebra > -Physics and information theory > > I dream of a military-style community for personal augmentation, > based on the psychology of learning, creativity, effective group > intelligence, health, fitness, and always staying up to date and > flexible with new discoveries. > > By myself, especially during quarantine in SF, I've been having a > hard time finding people who care about these. > > So far I found one person to meet and study from 3-6pm, just Node, > and I'm posting around to find the right people to form a learning > group, where we use our commitments to showing up to support the > routine. > > The way I see it, everything we need to learn is online, and all > schools offer is community support (with a ton of drag) so if > people could decide what they want to learn, and they understood > the psychology of learning, they could optimize their own routine. > > I'll list some useful learning principles: > > 1) goldilocks zone - not too hard nor boring, but just right for > exponential progress towards mastery. Anyone can learn anything, > but might have a more narrow goldilocks zone for learning quantum > physics, easier to slip off. > > 2) focus vs diffuse learning (ideally, switch back and forth as > optimally as possible. Don't neglect either - Best ideas come in > diffuse, but long term memory of abstract concepts comes from deep > focus and recall) > > 3) Anki forgetting curve - recall, recall, recall, just when about > to forget, and soon remember forever. > > 4) fluid vs crystallized intelligence - fluid is like working > memory, can only be increased via exercise and rest, whereas > crystallized intelligence is what combines, recombines > exponentially as the basis of cultural evolution and subject mastery. > > 5) the bottom line - you don't know shit unless you can teach, > create, or do, and these should be the way you recall. > > Please let me know if I missed anything crucial. > > Jamie > ############################ > > To unsubscribe from the TOK-SOCIETY-L list: write to: > mailto:[log in to unmask] > <mailto:[log in to unmask]><mailto:mailto > <mailto:mailto>:[log in to unmask] > <mailto:[log in to unmask]>> or click > the following link: > http://listserv.jmu.edu/cgi-bin/wa?SUBED1=TOK-SOCIETY-L&A=1 > > ############################ > > To unsubscribe from the TOK-SOCIETY-L list: write to: > mailto:[log in to unmask] > <mailto:[log in to unmask]><mailto:mailto > <mailto:mailto>:[log in to unmask] > <mailto:[log in to unmask]>> or click > the following link: > http://listserv.jmu.edu/cgi-bin/wa?SUBED1=TOK-SOCIETY-L&A=1 > > ############################ > > To unsubscribe from the TOK-SOCIETY-L list: write to: > mailto:[log in to unmask] > <mailto:[log in to unmask]><mailto:mailto > <mailto:mailto>:[log in to unmask] > <mailto:[log in to unmask]>> or click > the following link: > http://listserv.jmu.edu/cgi-bin/wa?SUBED1=TOK-SOCIETY-L&A=1 > > ############################ > > To unsubscribe from the TOK-SOCIETY-L list: > write to: mailto:[log in to unmask] > <mailto:[log in to unmask]> > or click the following link: > http://listserv.jmu.edu/cgi-bin/wa?SUBED1=TOK-SOCIETY-L&A=1 > > ############################ > > To unsubscribe from the TOK-SOCIETY-L list: write to: > mailto:[log in to unmask] > <mailto:mailto:[log in to unmask]> or > click the following link: > http://listserv.jmu.edu/cgi-bin/wa?SUBED1=TOK-SOCIETY-L&A=1 > ############################ To unsubscribe from the TOK-SOCIETY-L list: write to: mailto:[log in to unmask] or click the following link: http://listserv.jmu.edu/cgi-bin/wa?SUBED1=TOK-SOCIETY-L&A=1