I'm not sure the exact context in which he is writing this for, like if CYL is the program or project he refers to, but if this is a standalone document he should probably include some sort of abstract/preamble to set the stage for his founding principles. Aside from that I would just recommend he read it through out loud to catch a few grammatical typo's and misplaced words. These principles in substance are certainly sufficient and meaningful if directed towards application in underserved areas on the community level (i.e., the grassroots that he mentions), but can also be effective for driving local gov't policy changes to effect larger existing social structures as well. I like his framework, it seems to embody a lot of what we advocate for in TOK.

-Nik