LISTSERV - TOK-SOCIETY-L Archives

Love your answer Gregg! Very clear.

Aydan, I have given some talks about education and parenting,
<https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__www.youtube.com_channel_UCjktqQ0SSSNwUCcjh-2DAv1vg_videos&d=DwIFaQ&c=eLbWYnpnzycBCgmb7vCI4uqNEB9RSjOdn_5nBEmmeq0&r=HPo1IXYDhKClogP-UOpybo6Cfxxz-jIYBgjO2gOz4-A&m=J4KqU-T3vslHeFV_EIehvghv-5cKpyFdf2bWeG9bqvo&s=pStFdqKEO73guPRcIDDq_AI5JffAVsK9vObKcOeOsWI&e= >
which reference many books I've found helpful. Lots of good ones, but the
one I think may be the most practical (and subtly spiritual) is Playful
Parenting by Cohen
<https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__www.amazon.com_Playful-2DParenting-2DConnections-2DEncourage-2DConfidence_dp_0345442865_ref-3Dsr-5F1-5F1-3Fcrid-3D3L6ONZOICKFRX-26keywords-3Dplayful-2Bparenting-26qid-3D1649362830-26s-3Dbooks-26sprefix-3Dplayful-2Bpa-252Cstripbooks-252C105-26sr-3D1-2D1&d=DwIFaQ&c=eLbWYnpnzycBCgmb7vCI4uqNEB9RSjOdn_5nBEmmeq0&r=HPo1IXYDhKClogP-UOpybo6Cfxxz-jIYBgjO2gOz4-A&m=J4KqU-T3vslHeFV_EIehvghv-5cKpyFdf2bWeG9bqvo&s=gkcppVKbAqgKT5x-abEKVLdLLLVmFCgrCQWqh7MR73g&e= >.
I gave it to a new parent friend some years ago and he thanked me profusely
after putting it into practice.

Brad

On Thu, Apr 7, 2022 at 2:07 PM Henriques, Gregg - henriqgx <[log in to unmask]>
wrote:

> Yes, here is the TOK Community presentation she made:
>
>
> https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__www.youtube.com_watch-3Fv-3DU7X9GLNG0T0-26list-3DPLTJe1xFfoxrBLGrv6Kh-2DiTdlKp2VX2-2DLk-26index-3D10&d=DwIFaQ&c=eLbWYnpnzycBCgmb7vCI4uqNEB9RSjOdn_5nBEmmeq0&r=HPo1IXYDhKClogP-UOpybo6Cfxxz-jIYBgjO2gOz4-A&m=J4KqU-T3vslHeFV_EIehvghv-5cKpyFdf2bWeG9bqvo&s=pLvnVPw-TviWG9VGku6L52IgdK_9JOB_Yptn4TF5h54&e= 
>
>
> Best,
> G
>
>
>
> *From:* theory of knowledge society discussion <
> [log in to unmask]> *On Behalf Of *lee simplyquality.org
> *Sent:* Thursday, April 7, 2022 2:05 PM
> *To:* [log in to unmask]
> *Subject:* Re: Resources for Parenting (especially Toddlers)
>
>
>
> *CAUTION: *This email originated from outside of JMU. Do not click links
> or open attachments unless you recognize the sender and know the content is
> safe.
> ------------------------------
>
> Aydan,
>
> We heard a great presentation by Darcia Narvaez of the Evolved Nest on
> parenting.
>
> See: https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__evolvednest.org&d=DwIFaQ&c=eLbWYnpnzycBCgmb7vCI4uqNEB9RSjOdn_5nBEmmeq0&r=HPo1IXYDhKClogP-UOpybo6Cfxxz-jIYBgjO2gOz4-A&m=J4KqU-T3vslHeFV_EIehvghv-5cKpyFdf2bWeG9bqvo&s=QO56agsAW8LsWH9rLDHxs5WrbF-GVxwUgiJEOgjJZdM&e= 
> <https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__evolvednest.org&d=DwMGaQ&c=eLbWYnpnzycBCgmb7vCI4uqNEB9RSjOdn_5nBEmmeq0&r=HPo1IXYDhKClogP-UOpybo6Cfxxz-jIYBgjO2gOz4-A&m=Aag7oP5-wWpuPPEKH96rNqvw-3P0SO_RRQgEjN2fdKY&s=QrR5Fgki75jZNmf8uNDhc-n-_b0S0qvHmaBUEV6Bpog&e=>
>
>
>
>
> I hope this helps.
>
>
>
> Lee Beaumont
>
>
>
> On Apr 7, 2022, at 2:00 PM, Henriques, Gregg - henriqgx <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
>
>
>
> If you want to apply UTOK basics to the psychosocial processes associated
> with parenting:
>
>
>
> First, the core relational need of kids (and people in general) is to be
> seen, known, and valued by important others (which, of course, for toddlers
> are their parents/primary care givers).
>
>
>
> We can apply the lens of the Influence Matrix to attachment theory and
> understand that attachment theory’s “circle of security”
> <https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__circleofsecuritynetwork.org_&d=DwMGaQ&c=eLbWYnpnzycBCgmb7vCI4uqNEB9RSjOdn_5nBEmmeq0&r=HPo1IXYDhKClogP-UOpybo6Cfxxz-jIYBgjO2gOz4-A&m=Aag7oP5-wWpuPPEKH96rNqvw-3P0SO_RRQgEjN2fdKY&s=WM4UosvvUW3GPv4wcEMtu2NRS5OGtrFvexIeFGK7AuE&e=>
>  is fundamentally about (a) effectively enacting the first principle re
> relational value (instead of trying to instrumentally influence or control
> their children, see here for difference
> <https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__www.psychologytoday.com_us_blog_theory-2Dknowledge_202111_social-2Dinfluence-2Dversus-2Drelational-2Dvalue-23-3A-7E-3Atext-3DThere-2520is-2520a-2520crucial-2520difference-2Cand-2520valued-2520by-2520important-2520others.&d=DwMGaQ&c=eLbWYnpnzycBCgmb7vCI4uqNEB9RSjOdn_5nBEmmeq0&r=HPo1IXYDhKClogP-UOpybo6Cfxxz-jIYBgjO2gOz4-A&m=Aag7oP5-wWpuPPEKH96rNqvw-3P0SO_RRQgEjN2fdKY&s=KiTXSoIa8DKA5TawEkTA0XecXeIrYSTjNhZLOucpS88&e=>)
> and (b) managing the autonomy dependency line in the parent-child
> relationship (i.e. the green line). That is, you want to afford a “secure
> base” where the child feels seen, known and valued and can return to if
> needing care, and from there they explore their environment with an
> increasing sense of agency.
>
>
>
> <image001.png>
>
>
>
> On the flip side, following Baumrind
> <https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__www.parentingforbrain.com_4-2Dbaumrind-2Dparenting-2Dstyles_&d=DwMGaQ&c=eLbWYnpnzycBCgmb7vCI4uqNEB9RSjOdn_5nBEmmeq0&r=HPo1IXYDhKClogP-UOpybo6Cfxxz-jIYBgjO2gOz4-A&m=Aag7oP5-wWpuPPEKH96rNqvw-3P0SO_RRQgEjN2fdKY&s=A8R8NVGbTL1-ihU73SK2CDJjbsWNpzGf-ONSxSG9_lE&e=>,
> we generally want the parents to adopt the position of loving authority who
> provides clear reasons for what is happening and engages in active, dynamic
> participatory parenting. This “authoritative” stance is generally preferred
> to parenting that is too controlling (authoritarian), to giving and overly
> sensitive (permissive), or too distant or uninvolved (neglectful).
>
>
>
> We can also apply the lens of Erikson’s psychosocial development also via
> a Matrix lens to know that “basic trust” (relative to mistrust) is about
> being seen, known and valued and that autonomy (as opposed to shame and
> doubt) is about having the capacity for self-determination and mastery as
> an independent agent. As the toddler moves into young childhood (i.e.,
> 3-6), there is a major shift in referent/focus from parents to peers.
>
>
>
> We can use BIT and JUST coupled to Vygotsky to understand that we want to
> cultivate the sweet spot of the zone of proximal development in the child’s
> agent arena interactions and we want to help the child internalize both the
> perspectives of others and the tools (i.e., rules and practices) that allow
> them to become effectively socialized into the Culture. Via
> Piaget/Vervaeke, we can track the child’s basic structure as developing
> from a sensory-motor animal to a pre-operational primate to a young person
> with concrete operational capacity that is engaging in a process of
> assimilation and accommodation/recursive relevance realization in an
> attempt to develop an optimal grip on the agent arena relationship. Also
> note that we hope that parents are able to operate at the formal, full
> Culture-Person level, but kids have trouble understanding that level of
> abstraction and so parents to best if they can empathize with the core
> sense making structure of their children and operate within the zone of
> proximal development. It is, of course, adolescence, that is the time of
> transition into the full Culture-Person formal operator.
>
>
>
> From a family systems perspective, all of this should take place in an
> environment where the adults model Curiosity, Acceptance, Loving Compassion
> and Motivation toward adaptive/valued states of being, and become
> psychologically reflective rather than mindlessly/defensively reactive when
> negative events activate negative feelings (i.e., instead of triple
> negative neurotic looping, adults in the child’s environment turn on the
> CALM MO flashlight). In addition, hopefully these family systems would
> further be nested in relations across the socio-ecological spectrum that
> allow for the general, sustainable enhancement of dignity and well-being
> with integrity.
>
>
>
> Best,
> Gregg
>
>
>
> *From:* theory of knowledge society discussion <
> [log in to unmask]> *On Behalf Of *Ari Delashmutt
> *Sent:* Thursday, April 7, 2022 11:35 AM
> *To:* [log in to unmask]
> *Subject:* Re: Resources for Parenting (especially Toddlers)
>
>
>
> *CAUTION: *This email originated from outside of JMU. Do not click links
> or open attachments unless you recognize the sender and know the content is
> safe.
> ------------------------------
>
> Not sure im educated or if these are a metamodern take but i do like this
> subject. My recommendations would be, in order,
>
>
>
> Nonviolent communication- Rosenberg
>
> Punished by reward - alfie kohn (maybe also his ‘unconditional parenting’)
>
> No bad kids , toddler discipline without shame - female author can’t
> remember her name now
>
> Hunt Gather Parent - a popular one in my hood, some cool ideas
>
> Jordan hall and I also discussed parenting on my podcast, and i
> appreciated his take. Ari in the Air
>
>
>
> Hope that’s helpful. Happy parenting.
>
>
>
> On Thu, Apr 7, 2022 at 8:17 AM Aydan Connor <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
>
> *CAUTION: *This email originated from outside of JMU. Do not click links
> or open attachments unless you recognize the sender and know the content is
> safe.
> ------------------------------
>
> Hello All,
>
>
>
> Are there parenting and/or child development books/resources out there
> that you fine, more educated people here might recommend? I’d be curious if
> there’s a metamodern take on the subject that might be useful to a parent
> of a toddler (I.e. me ;) ). I have developed a high level of skepticism
> about the quality of what is out there, and could use reliable, practical
> advice. I’m not scared off by spiritual perspectives as well.
>
>
>
> With Gratitude,
>
> Aydan
>
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