Hi hi, another woman speaking up.

I think it's very important to make a distinction between acknowledging the
biases and prejudices we all have without perhaps putting such a shaming
and damning label on ourselves. I think once the "ist" or "ism" labels are
put on, they induce defenses making it difficult for many to have an actual
open and honest dialogue. I see this happen so many times in the so-called
diversity seminars in my training that I am beginning to dread the next
time I am required to go to one. For the record, I am an Asian woman.
Preaching to the choir and making people too ashamed to to speak up isn't
very helpful in my opinion. Labeling large groups of people even in defense
of another group is simply counterproductive.

I think the privileges that people have are complicated. Yes, perhaps
heterosexual white man as a group have more privileges than most other
groups and hence should not judge other groups for not succeeding as much
by the typical standards. At the same time I have some privileges that
these men don't. I always get the sense that it's easier for me to obtain
cooperation from many people because small Asian women are simply seen as
non-threatening. And I rarely have people talk down to me perhaps because
Asians are also viewed as smart. And as a woman in general, it is more
acceptable for me to express my emotions and engage in both masculine and
feminine activities. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I remember reading that
boys are struggling more in school and not getting into college as much as
girls. Seems to me that the male gender is being neglected in some very
important ways. Perhaps one can argue that it is an advantage that men can
be more aggressive and domineering with fewer repercussions, but this kind
of value system ultimately leads to less intimate or satisfying
relationships in my opinion.

Anyway, my main point is that what is more important is to create a safe
space for open dialogue so that we can navigate the complexities of human
relationships together.

On Thu, Oct 25, 2018 at 5:16 PM Henriques, Gregg - henriqgx <
[log in to unmask]> wrote:

> Thanks so much for sharing this viewpoint Patrice. It was helpful for me
> to see.
>
> Best,
> Gregg
>
>
>
> Sent from my Verizon 4G LTE smartphone
>
>
> -------- Original message --------
> From: Patrice Alvarado <[log in to unmask]>
> Date: 10/25/18 5:34 PM (GMT-05:00)
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: Sartre, and ?Are all men sexist?
>
> It feels a bit vulnerable to express this but in the spirit of answering
> an invitation to speak on this subject I can write these thoughts: I read
> the article a couple of days ago and was moved, and filled with an
> incredible sense of hopefulness that it was possible for someone … a man in
> this case … to understand … the lived experience of the Other.. The article
> struck me in a different way than most newspaper articles that I like do,
> in that it seemed to speak more directly to my heart and personal self, and
> this came from more than the words by themselves (ex. words such as sexist,
> patriarchy, etc.) but from the author's sense of humility and use of
> examples that demonstrated a real understanding, again of the perspective
> and lived experience of being female. Yet I know that if he had just said
> “men do sexist things” while not acknowledging the pervasiveness of the
> whole mindset that we all live under, it would not have felt as powerful to
> me.  I was also struck with how vulnerable the author was being with his
> words and found myself wondering about how other men might view him …
> Before that I actually had the thought that this was probably written by a
> woman who at the end would say, “these are words we wish to hear”. Once I
> realized though that he was indeed a man who had not had the lived
> experience of being female, I felt a deep appreciation and even awe at his
> courage for writing such a piece and thought he must be someone who truly
> is in tune with himself to be able to take such a risk.
>
> One additional note: I had not shared the article with friends, as I often
> do, but when Gregg’s post came through about him speaking at Mary
> Washington I shared with my daughter, who just graduated from Mary
> Washington and who works there, about the Sartre event and she wrote back
> that that was awesome about the event and then added “and that article
> looks amazing”. I am guessing that the article struck her in a similar way
> that it struck me. Thank you Jason, Gregg, and others for this discussion
> and the invitation to write a response.    Patrice
> *Patrice A. Alvarado, Ph.D.*
> *Licensed Clinical Psychologist*
> *9246-B Mosby St.*
> *Manassas, VA 20110*
> *571-248-2145*
> *www.mindful-psychotherapy.net
> <https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=http-3A__www.mindful-2Dpsychotherapy.net&d=DwMFaQ&c=eLbWYnpnzycBCgmb7vCI4uqNEB9RSjOdn_5nBEmmeq0&r=HPo1IXYDhKClogP-UOpybo6Cfxxz-jIYBgjO2gOz4-A&m=sPasuYr9jfRot6sZ15l1-DIW1_bSo-V0HS5EUq32w0E&s=SpTzimfCkD2vkN6DJw184OJ22877hOubUIdzrJGZqek&e=>*
>
> On Oct 25, 2018, at 4:36 PM, nysa71 <
> [log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>
> I would like to read the thoughts of women on this listserve on that NYT
> article. I hope they feel they can without the fear of being mansplained
> to. [image: Emoji]
>
> ~ Jason
> On Thursday, October 25, 2018, 12:32:25 PM EDT, Henriques, Gregg -
> henriqgx <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>
> Hi List,
>
>   Steve Quackenbush and I are headed to a conference on Sartre this
> weekend at Mary Washington University. George Yancy will be giving the
> keynote. He has written quite a bit on racism in the US. He just wrote an
> op ed piece explaining why he thinks all men, including himself, are sexist:
>  https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__www.nytimes.com_2018_10_24_opinion_men-2Dsexism-2Dme-2Dtoo.html&d=DwIFaQ&c=eLbWYnpnzycBCgmb7vCI4uqNEB9RSjOdn_5nBEmmeq0&r=HPo1IXYDhKClogP-UOpybo6Cfxxz-jIYBgjO2gOz4-A&m=k4CounnuxTWwLyAFKkD3hwgsxbeoT36cg-3UxXMIKos&s=oZAWi_daQQ__8Q7JsccYBJWdhwN2XBm1D-fPBGmpJeM&e=
> <https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__www.nytimes.com_2018_10_24_opinion_men-2Dsexism-2Dme-2Dtoo.html&d=DwMFaQ&c=eLbWYnpnzycBCgmb7vCI4uqNEB9RSjOdn_5nBEmmeq0&r=HPo1IXYDhKClogP-UOpybo6Cfxxz-jIYBgjO2gOz4-A&m=vrsosTFwweVLZozwqh3sMnDw9m61dPszYjrVYdHoIYs&s=Dj0Q5wFKSj5yyVKFTjKFbvxyxvRQZ9qa8hvxL-ETDJs&e=>.
> I will be interested to hear him speak (which will be more focused on
> racism than sexism, I think). Perhaps I will get a chance to chat with him.
> Would be curious to see if others have reactions to this.
>
>
>   When these kinds of conversations emerge, I like to bring them close to
> home, into the here and now. For example, in bringing this up, I can’t help
> but reflect on noticing how male dominated this list is, at least in terms
> of participation. We are fairly equivalent in terms of actual numbers (~35
> of each gender). Yet, my sense is that 95% or more of the posts have been
> made by men. This is the pattern of virtually every other list serve I have
> been on (i.e., heavily male dominated, much more than the ratio of folks on
> the list). Interesting food for thought.
>
>
> I will be heading out and back Monday.
>
>
> Best,
>
> Gregg
>
>
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