Hi Jamie,
You seem very interested in optimizing.
How about relaxing and connecting with some vulnerable human beings on
their terms?
/ Lene
On 29-05-2020 04:25, Jamie D wrote:
> Is it not evident in my writing that I'm looking to fix something in
> myself? I'm not fully understanding your grammar. Can you elaborate?
> (I'm expecting this to be another episode of culture shock, or, like a
> clash of cultures, total confusion and misunderstanding, ego's reved
> up only to fall)
>
> By rage against false love, I mean don't be true to those false to me,
> don't give any chances to liars, ditch fake friends, have higher
> standards than I've known, and trust instincts I've never had a chance
> to use. Having never been outside myself, the territory is new to me.
>
> Would you expect a motherless child to be faithful to anyone as it
> would it's mother, at the age of four?... or think new caregivers
> justified in anger if the child is slightly witheld? Seeing anger at
> its fear, the child wraps itself up in a hell of terror, and sears its
> behavior along whatever behavior brings acceptance, adhering to norms
> militarily, then later questioning them when nothing works......
>
> All the while in its development, unwritten, unspoken norms dictate
> contempt, deny respect, and for what? What is so offensive about being
> polite? About good behavior?
>
> By normative appearances, an adopted child should believe that it's
> loved, connected, so it goes through the motions, dances the dance,
> shows "gratitude"... But it was never real, never felt, and the family
> went along with the lie that the 4 year old allowed itself to hope
> might come true...
>
> The crime committed must have been failure to do something not a human
> being knows - not following through with a love unknown by the
> intellect, hidden in some random momentary permutation?
>
> I suppose the separation of feelings and actions is part of the
> problem, because it appeared I could control myself, with the energy
> dwindling... Until I became an heroin addict!
>
> What wears one down is known by nobody. But eventually, it's like one
> is forced to commit a real crime by some earlier unseen crime within.
> (in my experience, that's a vital truth not well known: that the real
> crime was committed well before its manifestation, which is almost
> like a punishment on the person.)
>
> What does God, or anyone, expect of a four year old? I don't ask this
> to justify myself, or judge anyone else, but all of this, all of my
> reputation-destroying transparency, is solely to use my experience, as
> a window into a source of solutions unknown by our culture..... And
> that, perhaps, is what I've always been trying to do.
>
> In God's eyes, children are fully responsible, apparently. More
> children have died than anyone, from what I've learned of evolution.
>
> Ig my tone sounds bitter, then so be it. But in mind, in focus, I'm
> all ears, surrendering and committing to whatever humility will bring
> forth clarity. And like a dead horse, I absorb blows of judgement I
> know aren't true and must continue to resist believing them.
>
> Nothing in science, nothing in religion, no phenomena whatsoever told
> the simple truth that healthy children are allowed to safely develop
> amongst. And now, tangled up in a complex of maladapted triggers and
> cues, having heard insinuated judgements for the trillionth time, but
> never brought fully forward,... I don't know.
>
> Fear leads to hate, yes. And hate is painful and pointless.
>
>
> On Thu, May 28, 2020, 5:56 PM Diop, Corinne Joan Martin - diopcj
> <[log in to unmask] <mailto:[log in to unmask]>> wrote:
>
> Jamie,
>
> That is one helluva PS!!
>
> False love is a problem within the lover, doesn't have anything AT
> ALL to do with you?
>
> Corinne
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________________
> From: tree of knowledge system discussion
> [[log in to unmask]
> <mailto:[log in to unmask]>] on behalf of Jamie D
> [[log in to unmask] <mailto:[log in to unmask]>]
> Sent: Thursday, May 28, 2020 8:48 PM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> <mailto:[log in to unmask]>
> Subject: Re: Anyone studying these topics? (Learning)
>
> One shouldn't have to force their self. Eventually they'll drain.
> If part of the mind is a tyrant, it's perhaps related to another
> part that's a slave to something, and the self is therefore
> divided in purpose.
>
> I've been watching a lot of Motivational YouTube videos, which
> have kernals of wisdom, one of which being: "Know your Why" and
> "if your why doesn't make you cry, that's not it".
>
> Rather, one must be drawn, by freeing up their natural interest,
> releasing attachments. And the best way I've found to do that is
> saying things out loud. If part of the mind is a slave to
> something, fix it by saying something.
>
> In order to be drawn, you might have to grind first, and then the
> hook comes... That's how it usually is for me.
>
> It shouldn't be hard at all for me to learn all that, not at all.
> I have a pension and all the freedom I need.
>
> What I lack is community.
>
> A few things nag at my attention, unfinished business dragging me
> down, in which case, I pay close attention to what's exactly the
> problem is, and write incessantly, and reviewing my writing on
> occasion.
>
> -Jamie
>
> PS - The rest of this is me thinking about what's been dragging me
> down,.... I wonder if all of it could be simply bluffed away,
> simply denied out of existence among new peers, and I can practice
> assuming new beliefs... or if something is still missing. I've
> been butchering my reputation for any kernal I might find, which I
> see as being open and vulnerable, falling on the sword.... But
> some barely discernable signal, only decided upon this very
> moment, convinces me that's my choice, and that it's still
> possible to step forward completely, but obviously the intellect
> can't be the guide, the choice must be made with one's entire
> being? Now we're getting into woo-woo or beyond culture. Does
> everyone's entire wellbeing depend on factors beyond normative
> understanding, in everyday relationships?
>
> My new mantra is "rage against false love", because I'm still in
> the process of freeing myself from mistakes learned in childhood,
> where I learned it wasn't safe to be truthful.
>
> And we can now rest upon the acceptance that it's not.
>
> I remain, for now, unacceptably insecure by society's standards,
> and combing through stoic wisdom to various forms of therapy have
> yet to provide the honest confidence that survival demands. I have
> impeccable confidence in what I do know, what I don't, as well as
> the difference, but it's the "unknown-unknown" that others seem to
> know, but can't or won't articulate.
>
> People see my dependence on honesty, and can't help but play and
> poke... to my death if it comes to it, even still meandering in
> that trajectory. Perhaps I'm a threat, and it's only that others
> fear the light in me revealing their use of the dark. They'd
> rather it be impossible to win honestly. Not entirely.
>
> From another angle, there must be something totally natural in
> contempt towards those not given security as children. It's like a
> law of nature. I can't find any power in being hostile, nor can I
> find any power in being a victim, and the mad self absorption
> trying to find the solution alienates those who would be friends.
>
> "the more elusive the problem, the more painfully obvious the
> solution. You just have to be willing to see it" - Jack Rackam
> from Black Sails
>
> Who the hell has a right to be secure in themselves anyway?
>
> ... Obviously a baby should.
>
> If the self is relational, such security can only be formed by
> security with peers. How does one be self responsible, and fix a
> relational problem solo?
>
> Note: the happiest person in the frame is always dominant, which
> would mean that (mythological) the top of the hierarchy is nothing
> more than honesty, everyone below having been untrue in some way.
> If a baby is at the top of the hierarchy, is life is a test of
> staying there?
>
> A friend said that I didn't seem to love myself, but what he
> really saw was a subconscious certainty that others don't love me
> as I am, or that I'm stuck solo, that I have to maintain an iron
> grip on my behavior to survive, not offend, keep integrity, be
> perfect, agonizingly and impotently "good" until I break or
> twindle down to nothing. And the confusion of which evil I should
> knowingly choose to be a healthier person is a sick thing to consider.
>
> And to hear people insinuate low self esteem, or lacking self
> love, is to hear endlessly that nobody has gotten outside
> theirself to see the dimensions through which people can change.
>
> I don't know what love really looks like, and having never seen
> it, don't know what to change...except get more and more
> articulate, keeping me in control.
>
>
>
> On Thu, May 28, 2020, 1:58 PM Chance McDermott
> <[log in to unmask]
> <mailto:[log in to unmask]><mailto:[log in to unmask]
> <mailto:[log in to unmask]>>> wrote:
> Jamie,
>
> What things have you noticed about the "forcing yourself/not
> forcing yourself" situation that happens when many folks get
> involved in personal augmentation?
>
> Ideally augmentation feels flowy and fun, which can be elusive
> when we codify something into a routine.
>
> Powerful stuff you're imagining,
>
> -Chance
>
> On Thu, May 28, 2020 at 3:05 PM Jamie D <[log in to unmask]
> <mailto:[log in to unmask]><mailto:[log in to unmask]
> <mailto:[log in to unmask]>>> wrote:
> Apologies, Gregg, if this breaks the rules. I forgot where to find
> rules.
>
> I'm wondering if anyone is studying the following
>
> *Data science and machine learning - jupiter, numpy, python
> *Python general programing
> *JavaScript general
> *Node-Express (and in my case PostgreSQL, for an app I've been
> writing about for years)
>
> I'm also working with my Muse headband to measure frontal
> asymmetry, since I've just learned that's a good measure of valence.
>
> Ideally, I'd also fit in my day a few pomodoro's of these topics:
> -Neuroscience
> -Statistics, linear algebra
> -Physics and information theory
>
> I dream of a military-style community for personal augmentation,
> based on the psychology of learning, creativity, effective group
> intelligence, health, fitness, and always staying up to date and
> flexible with new discoveries.
>
> By myself, especially during quarantine in SF, I've been having a
> hard time finding people who care about these.
>
> So far I found one person to meet and study from 3-6pm, just Node,
> and I'm posting around to find the right people to form a learning
> group, where we use our commitments to showing up to support the
> routine.
>
> The way I see it, everything we need to learn is online, and all
> schools offer is community support (with a ton of drag) so if
> people could decide what they want to learn, and they understood
> the psychology of learning, they could optimize their own routine.
>
> I'll list some useful learning principles:
>
> 1) goldilocks zone - not too hard nor boring, but just right for
> exponential progress towards mastery. Anyone can learn anything,
> but might have a more narrow goldilocks zone for learning quantum
> physics, easier to slip off.
>
> 2) focus vs diffuse learning (ideally, switch back and forth as
> optimally as possible. Don't neglect either - Best ideas come in
> diffuse, but long term memory of abstract concepts comes from deep
> focus and recall)
>
> 3) Anki forgetting curve - recall, recall, recall, just when about
> to forget, and soon remember forever.
>
> 4) fluid vs crystallized intelligence - fluid is like working
> memory, can only be increased via exercise and rest, whereas
> crystallized intelligence is what combines, recombines
> exponentially as the basis of cultural evolution and subject mastery.
>
> 5) the bottom line - you don't know shit unless you can teach,
> create, or do, and these should be the way you recall.
>
> Please let me know if I missed anything crucial.
>
> Jamie
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